Stuff I Like: Gillette Fusion
You know, I was with all the rest of you when I saw the first ads for Gillette Fusion.
Five blades. What… what could I possibly do with five blades? The entire concept of a five-bladed razor seemed so outlandish as to be comical. Now, I know that we’ve all been living in a Fusion world since the year began, so you may not even remember how ridiculous this idea may have once seemed. The Onion, however, brutally lampooned this very concept not two years ago. Take a look:
We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That’s three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I’m telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we’re standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we’re the chumps. Well, fuck it. We’re going to five blades.
…
You think it’s crazy? It is crazy. But I don’t give a shit. From now on, we’re the ones who have the edge in the multi-blade game. Are they the best a man can get? Fuck, no. Gillette is the best a man can get.
When I first read this piece, I was laughing uncontrollably. Not just because of the (hilarious) tone of the article, but because five blades just didn’t fit within the realm of what I could hold as realistic.
But in January, the world changed and the future arrived. I was curious, but skeptical. Nonetheless, I decided in August that I would drink from Gillette’s cup and learn what awaited me with a Fusion shave.
It is the finest shave I have yet experienced. The five blades quickly render baby-ass-smoothness to the skin to which they are applied. I experience less irritation because I don’t need as many strokes to get the job done.
And then there’s this little thing. Check this out:
That, there, is what we call a trimmer. Thanks to the trimmer, I can shape my facial hair with unprecedented precision and keep my face tidier than ever. That’s important to me.
And at the price Gillette is asking for refill packs of these cartridges, it had better be important. But you know? Screw it. I’m single. I take care of me.
Go get this razor. Or be damned in the medievalism of your three- or four-bladed hell. The choice is very much yours.